My job search is going miserable.  I can’t find anything, and I mean nothing.  I’ve applied for all kinds of jobs, a dispatcher for the state highway patrol, a few IT jobs, at local grocery stores, local and chain drug stores… and nothing.  It is very depressing.  I’ve been depressed for weeks.  Some days are OK others suck.  I am going to class in the morning for the x-ray medical technician and working a couple days at my part-time job at Disney but it’s just not enough.  I don’t feel like a valuable human making any type of contribution to society.   I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before.  I’ve never had trouble finding a job before.  And I know it’s not just me and I can honestly see why so many people in my position feel depressed.   You feel like such a freaking looser even though you know you really are not.  But you can’t help it, you still feel that way and then it depresses you.  And the fact that I’m running out of money does not make it any better.  I’ve checked on line and I may end up at McDonalds or something so my new work line could be “would you like fries with that”?

Chase and I are going to the condo in Mexico on Friday for week.  It’s my school break and I have no job.  The tickets have been booked and paid for some time now and the condo is free since I own it and I have a couple thousand Pesos to get me though the week.  Even this is hard for me.  I feel like I should not be going and spending any money at all.  Chase said he would pay for our food and expenses which is very sweet of him.  I think it should actually do me some good to get away and clear my head.  We shall see…I’ll just have to keep trying to think happy thoughts, keep looking and trying, and hope for the best.