What are you afraid of?  What are your biggest fears?  I came to the conclusion that I am terrified of loosing control, of myself, my environment, my destiny, my life.  I never sleep in a car, on a plane, or even on the train.  When I am not home I sleep even more lightly than normal.   All because I have to be aware of what's going on around me.

Today when I had my procedures I was going to be totally out of control.  I was allowing a group of people, strangers for the most part, to render me unconscious and completely helpless and with no control.  On top of that they were going to be doing very invasive and personal things to my body.  This scared the hell out me.  It was my real reason for being so nervous about my procedures today.

I guess I aways knew this about myself but I've never had to face it before because never before have I had to give up control of my body or my consciousness.  It was not bad being unconscious but it does feel weird that things happened to me, around me, etc. and I have no clue as to what went down.

So am I a control freak?  I don't think so but I always like to be aware of my surroundings and in control of my body and my actions.