Here is another tell all story.  This is the story about when I came out of the closet, in all 4 stages.  I'm not sure when I knew I was gay but it had to be around the age of 12.  I remember feeling things of a sexual nature for some of the guys in Space: 1999.  For those of you too young to remember that was a SciFi TV show when I was a young boy.

My first venture out of the closet was when I was around 25 years old.  I applied the old hang with someone like me technique.  My friend Gail had a good friend from college who was gay and we all hung out together.  I don't remember how the entire thing came about but I come out to him.  He took me to my very first gay bar.  We ended up really good friends.  If this were the Hokey Poky only my left foot was out of the closet.

The next stage was the gay roll out to my friends.  Not all of them, but most of them.  I left most of the people with whom I worked out of the loop.  You have to remember at this point I was only left side out.  This proved to be harder than I thought it would be.  Everyone was supportive to my face but I knew a couple of my friends had a problem with it but were unable to come right out and talk about it.  In the end it all worked out OK.

The third stage was when I moved to Florida.  I was renting a room from a gay couple (Skot and Mike) that ended up being my best friends.  This was my first experience living far away from home.  I was not even sure I'd stay in Florida, so it was a good thing to live with friends.  Skot and Mike were together for about 18 years when I moved to Florida.  They were older than me and out.  Everyone I met that knew them just assumed I was gay because what kind of straight man could rent a room from a gay couple.  That logic is flawed in more ways than one.  Anyway, being away from my family and old friends made it easy for me to establish myself and I was 95% out.  I was not out at my job at a software company (at first) nor to my family.  I was not sure about the family thing and it caused me great stress.  I however knew I needed to put my whole self out and shake it all about.

My final stage of coming out was to my family (Mom & Dad, sister and brother).  I was out but I've never made my life about being labeled and the same was true for being gay.  It is a huge part of my life but I was never like "Hi I'm gay and by the way my name is Dan."  It's more like, "My name is Dan.  I am believe in saving the environment, love music, live alone, love martinis, and oh yeah, I'm gay."  Anyway, I went through a really rough time because I wanted my family to know the real me but I was afraid.  I went to see a counselor.  That was something very out of character for me.  I saw her 2 times a week for several months and decided to write my parents a letter to state my case and come out.  I mailed the letter and two days later my mom's dad died.  She got the letter the next day.  The timing was terrible.

We talked after everything was settled down from Grandpa's funeral and my moving into my house.  I was just closing on my house when this all happened.  They told me they loved me no matter what and so on and so fourth.  They told my sister and brother who also loved me and everything was OK.  None of us have talked about it again.  They never ask if I'm seeing someone or any other questions.  I've talked about things like Skot and Mike and Queer as Folk when it first came to Showtime.  This did not spark any further conversation.  So, that is where it all stands today.  We all love each other but we play don't ask don't tell.  It's not really what I wanted but it will have to do.  Maybe someday they can take it further but I doubt it.  Over the past 18 months they have actually become Evangelical Christians and that consumes their lives.  It makes me uncomfortable because I know they are being told that I am going to hell and all those lies about gays that the Christian right like to tell.  But I am happy that in the end they know and we all still get along and love each other.