This is long entry so sorry for all the words.    One of the things I wanted to do with this blog was to be able to write about anything without holding back.  While the Internet provides for a certain degree of anonymity it could also be dangerous to give out too much information.  Anyway, I wanted to talk about my first time having sex.

I waited way too long to have sex, as my first time I was 26.  I had wanted to wait until I was in love.  I don't know where that came from other than the fact that I was still 90% in the closet.  I had always dated women and I never let anything get to the point of sex.

It was late summer I went to my first gay bar with my friend Bill.  Even today, I can't believe I had waited that long but I did.  It was fun but all the bars in Cleveland were not in the best neighborhoods and I was from a upper middle class suburb.  So I did not really enjoy going into Cleveland for bars.  Today, as a more mature adult I realize it was stupid irrational thinking.  Anyway on the way out of that bar I picked up one of those local happenings papers that list all the gay clubs, restaurants, personals, etc.

A couple of weeks went by and I really felt the need to experience life and sex.  I went to a restaurant with a couple of friends and had two bottles of wine (my self).  There happened to be one gay bar in the suburbs not too far from my parents house.  The 2 bottles of wine told me tonight was the night I should go there.

I went home, showered, changed, and went to the bar.  I had a couple of drinks and was talking to this guy named Ken.  We decided to hook up but could not go back to his house because he was married (I know, great first choice Dan).  We could not go back to my house because I was still in school and living with my parents.  So he said he would split the cost of a hotel room around the corner.  We were making out in the parking lot and I was totally turned on, even though I had no idea what I was doing.

We went to the hotel and I went in and got the room.  We pretty much got right down to business.  It was simply oral sex and hot sweaty bodies rubbing together.  I don't know how long it lasted before we both climaxed and it was over.  Ken was there in bed next to me and he turned towards me and kissed me and told me he loved me.  Now, I was drunk and this was my first time but how could he say that?  He did not even know me.  We just met a couple of hours ago and had drunken sex.  How could he even speak those words?

He showered and dressed so he could go home to his wife.  Then he said thanks Ben, it's so cute our names rhyme.  Maybe we can do this again sometime.  I told him my name was not Ben it was Dan, which is what I know I told him when we met in the bar.  He left.  I showered, got dressed, and went home to my own bed.

I have to say it was probably the worse sexual experience I ever had, and it was my first.  I did not really know what I was doing but I think I did OK.  The "I love you" comment and calling me Ben was just plain insulting.  At that point in time I thought I'd never do that again (sex, men, drunkenness, etc.).  Of course I am only human and we all have needs so that was not the last time but for me it was a terrible first time.

If anyone reads this, did you enjoy your first time (was it good, bad, or just OK)?